So when I started this blog, it was my goal to use it not just to update family on pictures of my beautiful kids but to also really BLOG. More for myself and my friends than family. Today is going to be picture-free and just a random post so if you are in it for the pictures, go away!
I am feeling the effects of lack of sleep. I have had a busy week with meeting a couple moms from my MOPS table for coffee on Monday evening and then a fun time seeing a few friends I haven't seen in awhile on Tuesday evening. On top of the late nights, the neighbors (not JoDee!) played music loudly and woke up the house at 6 am today. This is where I am coming from, people!
I wanted to blog about being a stay at home Mom because it's on my mind today. When I got married, I remember being panicked to one of my good friends because it seemed like staying home was the "Christian" thing to do and I wasn't interested! She is very wise and told me that God would do what was best for the whole family. Well, I have to say that my heart definitely was changed and I wanted to stay home as soon as I thought about having kids. Of course, I had twins so everyone's reaction was "Of course you will stay home--who could afford day care?". I still get this reaction and I just nod and smile. How do you explain a desire to be with your kids? And, I confess, some of it is because I have control issues and don't want to entrust my little blessings to someone else who may or may not do it MY way.
But I have often wondered if they would have been better off with someone who isn't so grumpy in the morning until they get a shower or someone who can stand the messyness or someone who wants to play pretend 24/7?? Sometimes I fear that I haven't DONE enough. I have let them be--stay in pajamas all day? Why not?!-- and tried to throw in a craft, an outing, etc. here and there. But I don't consider myself a natural at staying home nor at motherhood. But someone once said that she thinks God gives you kids to break you in ways that would be impossible without them. And God has surely accomplished more in me since having kids. Wow--I didn't know I had those issues! :)
Nothing can overwhelm me like feeling like I am running out of time with these kids at home (Kindergarten in the fall!) and wondering if I have taken advantage of this time at home. They are why I am here at home--the computer isn't why I am here. The housework isn't why I am at home. Not that there isn't a place for those things but I think I lose sight of my original agenda.
The point is that I love being home. I chose this because I want to do it. I certainly do not think everyone needs to stay home--do what works for your family! But this is what works for mine.
Thanks for sharing...I enjoyed reading your ramblings. My cousin told me the other day how she was feeling really blessed that she stays home with her children and how motherhood is the most difficult job she's ever had but by far the most rewarding.
ReplyDeleteYou echoed so many of my feelings, especially that someone else could probably do a better job. However, I am reminded on what I heard at a MOPS convention one year-I am the perfect mom for my kids, God did not make a mistake. Thanks for voicing these things!
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